In most cases, deep rooted conflict at work can be a result of a misunderstanding or clashing of personal values. A clash of values can create conflict at work because it challenges the fundamental beliefs and principles that guide individual behavior, leading to misunderstandings and mistrust. When team members prioritize different values, they may struggle to align on goals and approaches, causing friction in decision-making processes. This misalignment can result in frustration and resentment, as individuals feel their core values are being compromised or ignored. Ultimately, unresolved value conflicts can undermine team cohesion and productivity, creating a toxic work environment.
Personal values drive decision making and can be informed by culture and personality. In my experience it is quite a challenging task to be able to properly engage with an individual who is in conflict and ask them about their values. This requires us to take time to establish rapport first.
In this article, I share some of my key coaching questions that assist me as a conflict coach to create communication strategies for my clients who may be struggling to navigate conflict, particularly in the workplace. Adapt these questions to suit your next conversation:
Open-Ended Questions
"What matters most to you in life?" This broad question encourages the person to reflect on their overarching values.
"Can you tell me about a time when you felt most fulfilled or satisfied?" This helps identify situations that align with their values, revealing what they find meaningful.
"What do you believe is the purpose of your life/career/relationships?" Understanding their sense of purpose often reveals deep-seated values.
Hypothetical Scenarios
"Imagine you have all the time and money you need. What would you spend your time doing?" This question helps uncover their passions and what they truly value when freed from constraints.
"If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?" Their answer can highlight issues they feel strongly about, indicating their values.
Values Clarification Exercises
"Here is a list of common values. Which ones resonate with you the most, and why?" Providing a list can help them pinpoint and articulate their values.
"Rank these values in order of importance to you." This forces them to prioritise, offering insights into what matters most.
Reflection Queries
"How do you want people to remember you?" This prompts them to consider their legacy, revealing what they value in terms of impact and contribution.
"What do you consider non-negotiable in your life?" This can highlight boundaries and core beliefs that are central to their values.
Storytelling Invitations
"Tell me about a time when you had to make a difficult decision. What guided you?" Their past actions and decisions often reflect their underlying values.
"Share a moment when you were particularly proud of yourself. What was it about that moment that made you feel proud?" This can reveal achievements or behaviours that align with their values.
Contrasting Choices
"Would you prefer a job that pays extremely well but goes against your values, or a job that aligns with your values but pays less?" This helps prioritise values when they conflict with each other.
"If you had to choose between fame and respect, which would you choose and why?" This can reveal whether they value external validation or internal integrity more.
Follow-Up Questions
"Can you elaborate on that?" Encourage deeper explanation to understand the nuances of their values.
"How did that make you feel?" Emotional responses often point to what someone truly values.
Active Listening
Pay attention to their language, tone, and body language. Often, how someone talks about certain topics or experiences can reveal their values.
Remember, the goal is not just to ask questions but to actively listen and observe. People may not always be aware of their own values until they are prompted to reflect. By using a mix of these questioning strategies, you can gain a clearer understanding of what drives and motivates an individual.
Comments